Season 5

New Boss

Dunder Mifflin's new VP has some plans that interfere with Michael's plans for his 15th anniversary.

Memorable Office Quotes

Dwight Schrute: Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause..
Michael Scott: I like it.
Dwight Schrute: Followed by a fifteen minute moment of silence.
Jim Halpert:[enters wearing a tuxedo] I don't know. Is it classy enough?
Dwight Schrute: Jim! Enough with the classy, ok?
Jim Halpert: I just feel like after fifteen years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember.
Michael Scott: I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here.
Jim Halpert:And of course, classy.
Michael Scott:And classy, yeah.
Dwight Schrute: Michael, you're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here?

Dwight Schrute: Oh, here's one: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music. [Jim grimaces][watches Jim grimace, copies him] You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Michael Scott: He is.
Dwight: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.
Dwight: Ok, how about this? An ice sculpture, shaped like you, covered in chocolate-covered strawberries.
Jim: Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.
Dwight: Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.
Jim: Ok, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim: That's inspired.
Dwight: I said that! [storms out, slams door behind him]
Pam: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim: De class!
Michael Scott: French. Classy.
.

Michael Scott: Surprise! [unveils bagels sitting on table] As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles.
Charles Miner: Thank you.
Michael Scott: Took me all night!
Pam Beasly: This is what you did last night?

Michael Scott: I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. [in a cockney accent] It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental.

Michael Scott: The Willy Wonka, golden ticket promotional idea, is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody's ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of golden paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of wimzy. And full of excitement. And full of fantasy.

Michael Scott: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department..
Charles Miner: Hey, i come from accounting too.
Michael Scott:Oh, nerd alert. This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino and he just got outof a lang term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. but he didn't bring any of that in to work. It did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that.
Charles Miner: Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you.
Michael Scott: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy]
Andy Bernard: Ah-oh.
Michael Scott:There you go! Where's the other?
Charles Miner: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael Scott: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
Kevin Malone: Hey.

Michael Scott: I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.

Michael Scott:David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David:What gave you that idea?
Michael Scott: It was my understanding.
David: I see.
Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Charles Miner: No.
Michael Scott: Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?
Charles Miner: Saticoy Steel
Michael Scott: Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
Charles Miner: No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.Ah-oh.

Dwight Schrute: Good. Listen, my name is, uh, Michael... Scotch. And, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in 5 seconds-
Michael Scott: No! You idiot! [hangs up] Idiot, idiot, idiot! What are you doing? God! Oh my god. [redials]
Stephanie:David Wallace's office.
Michael Scott:Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine.
Stephanie: Michael.

Kevin: Michael?
Michael Scott: Yep.
Kevin: I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
Michael Scott: Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may.
Charles Miner: Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours.
Kevin: Ok.
Charles Miner: Ok.
Michael Scott: Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved.
Charles Miner: That's not the way it's gonna work.
Michael Scott: Yes it is!
Charles Miner: No, it is not.
Michael Scott: No, it is not.
Charles Miner: Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Michael Scott: Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Charles Miner: Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Michael Scott: Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Charles Miner: No, seriously.
Michael Scott: No, seriously.
Charles Miner: How old are you?
Michael Scott: How old are you?
Pam: Oh no.

Pam Beesly:I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do, the more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Michael Scott: Cancelled my fifteenth anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. And he said no figs. I've already bought em. And I don't have a place to store them. So, I feel like I've been sort of boned.
David: Michael. Listen-
Michael Scott: Do you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this?
David: Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically. . .
Michael Scott: Ok. Then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system I was supposed to talk to Charles, and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that would dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again.
David: That's not exactly-
Michael Scott: Clearly that's what you wanted.
David: No.
Michael Scott: Fifteen years I have been here. And I have sacrificed a lot.
David: Yes.
Michael Scott: I've put having a family on hold.
David: We didn't ask you to do that.
Michael Scott: And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.

Michael Scott: I don't understand that after fifteen years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair. And I think that I've earned more than that.
David: Yeah. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Here's what I'm going to do-
Michael Scott: Ok.
David: We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that?
Michael Scott: [gets up to shake David's hand] I quit.
David: What?
Michael Scott: You have no idea how high I can fly.

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