Season 5

Golden Ticket

Michael comes up with the idea to put "golden tickets" into packages of paper for clients to redeem for discounts.

Memorable Office Quotes

Michael Scott: Here we go, knock knock.
Pam Beesly: Who's there.
Michael Scott: Buddha.
Pam Beesly: Buddha who.
Michael Scott: Buddha this bread for me! [putting a slice of bread and block of butter on the desk]
[Michael and Dwight laugh hysterically]
Michael Scott: I need something to wipe my hand.
Pam Beesly: [handing a napkin] Yep there's-- there's butter on my desk.
Michael Scott: It was a classic.

Dwight Schrute: I got a knock knock joke.
Michael Scott: No... God...
Dwight Schrute: Michael please! Please please. Please! Please let me.
Michael Scott: Alright.
Dwight Schrute: Knock knock.
Michael Scott: Who's there.
Dwight Schrute: KGB.
Michael Scott: KGB who-- [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight Schrute: [in "Russian" accent] We Will Ask The Questions!
Michael Scott: What the hell was that! [tries to slap Dwight back]
Dwight Schrute: What are you doing!
Michael Scott: What are you doing?
Dwight Schrute: Hey! Hey! Stop it! Hey come on.
Michael Scott: You like that?
Dwight Schrute: What are you doing mine was part of a hilarious joke!
Michael Scott: Mine was retribution- what are you doing!? No more knock knock jokes! That's it.

Jim Halpert: Ding dong.
Michael Scott: Who's there?
Jim Halpert: KGB.
Michael Scott: Dwight get the door.
Dwight Schrute: I'm not answering the door.
Michael Scott: Answer the door.
Jim Halpert: Ding dong.
Dwight Schrute: No way. It's the KGB.
Jim Halpert: Ding dong.
Dwight Schrute: I'm not answering that!
[Dwight and Michael start arguing as Jim is still ringing the doorbell]
Michael Scott: Yes you're going to!
Dwight Schrute: I'm not going to answer it it's the KGB!--
Jim Halpert: [slaps Michael] It's the KGB we wait for no one!
Michael Scott: Ha ha ha!
Dwight Schrute: [to camera] It's true.

Michael Scott: [as Mr. Wonka] What are those! What are those! Tell me please!
Pam Beesly: Jellybeans.
Michael Scott: No no no! There are not just ordinary jellybeans, little girl. These, are extraorrrrrrdinary jellybeannnnns.

Michael Scott: The Willy Wonka, golden ticket promotional idea, is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody's ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of golden paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of wimzy. And full of excitement. And full of fantasy.

Michael Scott: I've written these things because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas. And I think I have done my part, with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you, that are just as good as mine.
Jim Halpert: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends--
Michael Scott: Too many words. Good ideas are simple: Golden, ticket.
Jim Halpert: Free, paper.
Michael Scott: No, Jim, we're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get men on the moon.
Andy Bernard: Golden girls. That's a golden ticket idea. Right... I mean how great was that show.
[Michael sighs]
Andy Bernard: Golden Grahams. [Michael is staring Andy down] Another-- is a-- I don't get this.
Michael Scott: No you don't. No, it-- What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas. Right?

Kevin Malone: Andy, Pam, and Jim, are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook overthinker.

Jim Halpert: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it better if you had prettier hair.
Pam Beesly: That's psychotic. [pause] Do guys actually do that?
Jim Halpert: Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy Bernard: That's low Tuna.

Jim Halpert: One my clients found a golden ticket.
Michael Scott: Ooohohoo! La di doo! Do to pa ta [does a roll] Tell me! Was it, a spoiled little girl with big lips, or an odd little boy, with a cowboy obsession. Invite them on the tour!

Michael Scott: [storming into the warehouse] Hey! Hey! Hey! You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.
Michael Scott: Sir...! I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five seperate boxes and somehoww they all ended up at Blue Cross. How did this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael Scott: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael Scott: Ok I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet.

Michael Scott: My golden ticket idea? Ok. Why would anyone think, that this is my golden ticket idea? There's a one in thirteen chance that this could be anyone's golden ticket idea. That--....

Pam Beesly: Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Oh hi David. No, I'm sorry he's not back from the, Civil Rights Rally. [Michael gives the thumbs up as he runs out of the office] I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.
Pam Beesly: When Michael's skirting a phone call he gave me a list of places to say he is. [reading the list] Stopping a fight in the parking lot. An Obama fashion show. Whatever, that is. Trapped in an oil painting. I'm gonna save that one.

Michael Scott: I am just a net, that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas, and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimzy so--
Jim Halpert: Ok, well I, lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael Scott: Thank you. Jim is with me!
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. I'm mad at you.
Michael Scott: Well you know what Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed Bratton: That's not why.

Jim Halpert: Ok. We need, a golden ticket idea idea, to get us out of this mess.
Pam Beesly: Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?
Jim Halpert: Good one.

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