Season 5

Business Trip

Michael beings Andy and Oscar on a business trip to Canada, while Jim counts down the days until Pam gets back from art school.

Memorable Office Quotes

Michael Scott: [during his International Business Customs conference] Did you know that in Morocco, it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan, you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy, you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite.

Michael Scott: My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client. And I have always been intrigued by all things international: the women, the pancakes, The Man of Mystery...

Michael Scott: Meredith I would like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi.
Meredith: Hellloo...
Michael Scott: I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. [puts his jacket over Meredith's head] You are now sexy in your culture.

Kevin Malone: T minus...
Jim Halpert: Six point five days. [winces as Kevin smacks him on the back]
Creed Bratton: [walks up behind Jim and puts his hands on his shoulders] One more week.

Jim Halpert: Pam comes back from New York next week. And everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird.

David Wallace: [on speakerphone] Do you have your passport?
Michael Scott: I have my passport. [pats jacket pocket]
David Wallace: Got your per diem?
Michael Scott: I have my per diem. [holds up money] I already know what I am going to spend this on. I am going to buy a sweater.
David Wallace: Michael, the... that's for your food.
Michael Scott: Well I'll just... I'll use different money for that.

Michael Scott: Where's my translator?
Andy Bernard: Ici monsieur! I'm just bidding a bon voyage a la mon petite fiance. Translation, good-bye my petite fiance.
Angela: Be good.
Andy Bernard: I will try.
Angela: Meaning what?
Andy Bernard: Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.
Michael Scott: Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. [pointing to Jim] That could be you. If you hadn't forgotten French.

Michael Scott: [in a singsong voice] Lets do this!
Dwight Schrute: Wait, why do you need three suitcases?
Michael Scott: Two are for souvenirs.
Dwight Schrute: Do you have your money belt?
Michael Scott: I do. It's right here. [indicates to waist]
Dwight Schrute: No, no, no, no, no. You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra. [demonstrates]
Michael Scott: No, I don't want to wear a bra.
Dwight Schrute: Here, let me help you. [reaches for Michael's money belt]
Michael Scott: Stop it! Stop it!
Dwight Schrute: Do you want to get robbed in a foreign country? I wash my hands of this.
Michael Scott: Okay. Where is my translator?
Andy Bernard: Monsieur.
Michael Scott: There he is.
Andy Bernard: I'm just bidding a bon voyage a La Mon Petit fiancee. Translation: Goodbye my petite fiancee. [chuckles]
Angela: Be good.
Andy Bernard: I will try.
Angela: Meaning what?
Andy Bernard: Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.
Michael Scott: Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. That could be you [points at Jim] if you hadn't forgotten French. Where is my numbers man?
Oscar: Here.
Michael Scott: There we go. Our town car awaits.
Meredith: It's just a van.
Michael Scott: Its not just a van.
Meredith: Look, I know my way around a van. That is just a van.
Michael Scott: Dwight, can you get those please?
Dwight Schrute: [sighs and picks up Michael's empty suitcases]

Kelly: No, not gonna happen. He has hurt me too much and too often and I am in a healthy relationship now. So, I'm not gonna flaunt it, I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.
[cut to Kelly and Ryan making out on Kelly's desk]

Michael Scott: A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered.

[at the bar]
Oscar: I'm probably going to leave after one drink.
Andy Bernard: Yeah, with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand.

Michael Scott: Everyone is going to end up dying someday. I think it's better to die with some people that you like, like Oscar and Andy and Concierge Marie, than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with.

Andy Bernard: I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged... whatever. A guy needs intercourse.

Meredith: Pam failed art school.
Dwight Schrute: Pfft. Well. Doesn't surprise me.
Jim Halpert: Excuse me?
Dwight Schrute: Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two directions. What!? Are there two suns? Uhh, last I checked that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy. It's totally unrealistic! There's no lines in the parking lot.

Andy Bernard: You know it's true what they say. Long Island Iced Teas are way stronger in Canada.

Oscar: I can't believe we called her up.
Andy Bernard: [laughs] Totally. [pause] Wait- who?
Oscar: I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night.
Andy Bernard: We called Angela?
Oscar: You call-- you called her...
Andy Bernard: That was real!? I thought I dreamed that. Oh God!--
Oscar: Alright--
Andy Bernard: Oh God! So bad!

Andy Bernard: Oh man. She's so pissed. She's taking us back to first base.
Oscar: What's first base with Angela?
Andy Bernard: I get to kiss her forehead.

Andy Bernard: I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits twenty feet away from me. And he's delightful!

David Wallace: [on the phone] Michael, please, listen for a second--
Michael Scott: No, David. You listen to me. Why did.. you send her away? That... God... you knew I liked her and you just, sent her away. And that-- That was a sucky thing to do, man. That was a really sucky thing to do.
David Wallace: Sometimes, sometimes--
[Michael hangs up the phone]

Michael Scott: Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not the pay cheque. Because I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think, it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you even though you just tell him off right to his face, over the phone. That's respect.

Pam Beesly: [Jim walks outside at the end of the day and sees Pam] I'm coming back the wrong way. It's not because of you. I don't like graphic design. That's it. Stop smiling! I really didn't like it. It's just, designing logos and stuff, and I miss Scranton. But it is not because I missed you. I just really wanted to come home. And, I know you said to come home the right way but, you can't tell me what to do. Got it?
Jim Halpert: I missed you.
Pam Beesly: I missed you too.
[Jim kisses Pam]

[Dwight appears as Jim is kissing Pam]
Dwight Schrute: You're back.
Pam Beesly: Uh, yeah.
Dwight Schrute: Good. [takes papers out] I need you to make five copies of these.
Pam Beesly: I'm not going inside.
Dwight Schrute: Alright. First thing in the morning then.
Jim Halpert: Welcome back.

Kelly: We're back together again, baby!
Ryan Howard: We're back.
Kelly: They tried to keep us apart but they couldn't. It was like destiny.
Ryan Howard: I-- I realized that for whatever reason, I just couldn't do better than Kelly.
Kelly: Awww!!

Andy Bernard: [walks over to two men in a bar] You guys like apples?
Man 1: What?
Andy Bernard: Do you like apples?
Man 1: Sorry--
Andy Bernard: Well, how do you like these apples? [puts two drinks on the table] Alright, on a scale of one to ten, how hot is that dude? [camera moves to Oscar]
Man 2: Is that your boyfriend or something?
Andy Bernard: No, but he could be yours, if you play your cards right.

Oscar: [to Michael] I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one?
Michael Scott: Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar, really. Do you have a bag of baby poop in there, too, to share with everybody? No, I'll be ordering my own food. Thank you very much. [turns to talk to flight attendant] Hi, um, I'd like to see a menu, please.
Flight Attendant: Oh, I'm sorry. There are no meals on flights less than two hours.
Michael Scott: Oh, ok. [looks back at Oscar regretfully]

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