Season 4

The Deposition

Jan sues Dunder-Mifflin, and Michael is deposed as a witness. Kelly talks smack to Pam after Darryl beats Jim at ping pong.

Memorable Quotes

Dwight Schrute: All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoron Primarach, Yan Olvavaughner, Wang Tao, Yorge Rahskaff and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoiyum on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andre Gruba.

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Jan: [laughing]
Michael Scott: You can't always work 200 days though.
Michael Scott: [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note that has a smiley face] Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting. [Jan looks impressed]

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Ryan Howard: You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this.
Michael Scott: Yep.
Ryan Howard: I can get you a tutor if you need- [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note with a waving, smiling Hot Dog saying "Hiya Buddy"]
Michael Scott: Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.
Ryan Howard: Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call.
Michael Scott: N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.
Ryan Howard: Take the call, friend.
Michael Scott: I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.
Ryan Howard: I insist you take your work calls.
Michael Scott: Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? [Pam pushes a button the phone] Hiya buddy.

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Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
Pam: Hi, Kelly.
Kelly: Guess whose boyfriend it is?
Pam: I don't wanna guess.
Kelly: I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here [points to Jim].

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Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.

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Kelly: Hey hey, you you! I don't like your boyfriend. Yeah yeah, you you! 'Cause he sucks at ping pong.

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Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.

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Lester: How long have you known the plaintiff?
Michael Scott: I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief
Lester: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael Scott: Six years and two months.
Lester: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Lester: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Lester: Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior?
Michael Scott: Uh, wh-why would she say that?
Jan: Can we just move on to another question?
Diane: No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this?
Lester: With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position.
Michael Scott: Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.
Jan: Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question?
Lester: Oh, are you sure?
Jan: Uh, yes.
Lester: Can you go back to where this digression began?
Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] Mr. Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.

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Jan: Michael, I am not the enemy, okay? Dunder Mifflin is the enemy.
Michael Scott: Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it.
Jan: Alright, wait. Before you go any further, let me show you what kind of loyalty they have, OK? Lester, please read that part of Wallace's deposition.
Lester: Starting at paragraph 6. Council: "Mr. Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?" David Wallace: "Yes."
Michael Scott: See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed.
Lester: Council: "Was he your first choice?" David Wallace: "Michael Scott is a fine employee who has been with the company for many years." Council: "Was he in the top 5 of contenders?" David Wallace: "What do you want me to say? Come on, he's a nice guy. There were many people that I considered." Council: "Was he seriously being considered for the corporate job?" David Wallace: "No." [David looks embarrassed]
Lester: I have one more question, Mr. Scott. Wouldn't you agree with Ms. Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees?
Michael Scott: ...Absolutely not.

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Michael Scott: Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

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Michael Scott: [Driving with Jan in the car after losing the case] What do you want to do for dinner?
Jan: How about Chinese?
Michael Scott: Sure trying to save some money...get something cheap.
Jan: That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion.
Michael Scott: Do you fast food?
Jan: Fine, fast food's fine.