Season 4

Night Out

Michael and Dwight decide to surprise Ryan in New York for a night of clubbing and meet his friends. Meanwhile, the Scranton branch is upset when they find out they have to come in on a Saturday for Ryan’s website project. Jim’s plan to save them has unexpected results.

Memorable Office Quotes

Pam Beesly: We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
[Dwight runs to the kitchen]
Michael Scott: I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich!
Jim Halpert: Well it's not for you, it's for your hair, and it is 9 am.
[Dwight comes running back]
Pam Beesly: No, Dwight! Not the good peanut butter, people are gonna get mad.
Michael Scott: Hey hey hey! This is my hair we're talking about.

Michael Scott: [as Dwight is smothering Michael's hair with peanut butter] Smells good!
Dwight Schrute: Tastes good too.
Michael Scott: Oh, don't. That's disgusting.
Dwight Schrute: A lot of calories.
Michael Scott: Well don't leave it on too long.

Ryan Howard: Yes, I'm having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales they made on the phone, as sales made by the website, which they should have done in the first place- if the website had been working.

Jim Halpert: Hey man do you mind if I run something by you?
Ryan Howard: Love it! Go.
Jim Halpert: Well, I kind of feel like what we had going for us was our customer service. And no matter how much we change this up, I don't know that a website's going to be able to replace that.
Ryan Howard: I can tell you've thought about this a lot I appreciate that. David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party right? You did, yeah.
Jim Halpert: Hmm.
Ryan Howard: Watch your back, Jim. Just kidding.

Michael Scott: I know that a lot of you are very angry at Ryan because he is the reason that we all have to come in tomorrow. However I swear to God, if any of you hurts him in any way, emotionally, or taunts him, or makes fun of his height, or his half beard...
Ryan Howard: Ok. Thanks Michael.

Stanley Hudson: I don't like when my clients call me to help them use the website. I'm not seeing commissions on that.
Ryan Howard: I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0.
Stanley Hudson: When will that be.
Ryan Howard: TBD.

Phyllis: Did the police solve the problem with the--
Ryan Howard: Yes. Yes they did. Yes they did.
[cut to talking head]
Ryan Howard: Yes. The social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.

Creed: I don't get the big fuss here. I like the site.

Kelly: If I had created a website with this many problems I'd kill myself.
Ryan Howard: Do you have a question Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah, I have a lot of questions but number one, how dare you.

Michael Scott: [clapping slowly] Ryan has done a great job and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it. A month ago, nobody would go on this site because we were worried, about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time "TDB" all of these problems will be in the past. [to Ryan] You did good kid. You did goood.

Michael Scott: [hugging Ryan] Oh Ryan I need a girlfriend so bad.
Ryan Howard: Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.

Michael Scott: Do you know any girl in New York you might... wanna hook me up with? That might be interested in a guy like me?
Ryan Howard: No. Sorry man.
Michael Scott: Ahh you tried.
Ryan Howard: But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Ryan Howard: Unreal.
Michael Scott: They sound great.

Ryan Howard: Bye everyone! Stay real Scranton, alright? Peace!

Michael Scott: Would you have sex with Meredith?
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael Scott: Do you think she'd keep it quiet?
Jim Halpert: I'm gonna go to my desk.
Michael Scott: Jim, it's not the horniness, ok? It's the loneliness. That's...
Jim Halpert: I know.

Michael Scott: Let's go to New York. We'll go clubbing with Ryan.
Jim Halpert: I can't.
Michael Scott: Yes you can! You're single I'm single. It'll be awesome.
Jim Halpert: I'm not single.
Michael Scott: Who are you dating?
Jim Halpert: Pam.
Michael Scott: That's still going on?

Andy Bernard: Old ball 'n chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately. You know what I'm saying.
Angela: I'm right here.

Dwight Schrute: Singles only! Singles only. Also three is unlucky... curse of three.
Michael Scott: Sorry, Andy, cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight!

Michael Scott: This place is packed.
Dwight Schrute: Fire hazard.
Michael Scott: Packed with... beautiful ladies! Swingers. Classic. John Favaro and the tall guy from Dodgeball.

Ryan Howard: Michael. What are you doing here?
Michael Scott: Well, you know, just taking you up on your offer to party so ta-da.
Ryan Howard: That is so awesome man! [hugs Michael] And you brought this guy! [gives Dwight a big hug]
Michael Scott: Ryan it's Michael and Dwight.
Ryan Howard: I know it's you guys! I am so psyched you're here! Wooooh!

Pam Beesly: There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."

Dwight Schrute: [introducing himself to Ryan's friend] Hi, Dwight. You resemble a Tolkien character.
Ryan Howard: He basically is man, he's a regular banking wizard.
Dwight Schrute: No no no, not a wizard, a hobbit.

Dwight Schrute: [to Ryan's friend] Do you live in a regular sized house?
Ryan Howard: Yeah he's a normal guy. He's cool.

Jim Halpert: It's under here as "Security Guard Home" did you not get his name or?
Toby Flenderson: No.
Jim Halpert: It's ringing. Does anyone have his name? Quick?
Andy Bernard: Yes. It's Eddy.
Jim Halpert: It's not- it's not Eddy. It's Edmund or--
Creed: Hank. His name is Hank.
Jim Halpert: Oh guys his name's not Hank it's uh.. is it Edgar?
Phyllis: Elliot.
Oscar: Elliot!
Jim Halpert: Is it Elli-- [to cell phone] Hey... Chief. This is uh, Jim Halpert from, um, where you work. You are the guy who sits behind the desk, you're the African American guy. I mean you're uhh-- Who have I got here?

Dwight Schrute: [to Ryan's friend] Do you have powers?

Oscar: We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Toby Flenderson: Sorry guys but I don't think I tipped him for last year's.
Angela: No neither did I.
Phyllis: Jim was supposed to collect it.
Jim Halpert: [long awkward pause] Yep.
Kevin Malone: Way to go man.
Kelly: Now he's never gonna come.

Andy Bernard: By show of hands who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam.
Pam Beesly: Phyllis!

Michael Scott: I, um, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting Back to the Future. Back, because it's on my back; and future because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead, into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? And it's my second favorite movie.
Woman: I've never heard of that movie.
Michael Scott: Back to the Future? Ho! Wow! Well you should take a film education course.
Woman: How old are you?
Michael Scott: Thirty-- I'm- I'm in my forties.
Woman: Wow. That's so cool.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Woman: Well I'm gonna go back to my group now.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay.
Woman: Thanks for the drink.
Michael Scott: You are welcome.

Ryan Howard: Hook it up! [smashes a beer bottle on the club floor]
Michael Scott: Wow... That's dangerous.

Dwight Schrute: Excuse me.
Tall girl: Yeah?
Dwight Schrute: How did you all find each other?
Tall girl: Uh, we're the Jersey State Varsity Basketball Team. North-East regional champs! [girls cheer]
Dwight Schrute: Amazons...

Ryan Howard: It's off. It's not the dude I know. It's some other loser who won't let us in without chicks.
Michael Scott: You're kidding.
Ryan Howard: Let's bail.
Dwight Schrute: Ok w-w-w-w-wait. You two, Jersey State girls, let's go.
Basketball player: We're not goin' unless we can all go.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, you know what? Fine. Let's go, two girls to a guy, come on. Let's do it! Come on Ryan. Move out! Three or four with him let's go. Come on, here we go. [referring to Ryan's friend] Don't step on him.

Toby Flenderson: [coming out with a football] Hey look what I found in the back. [to Pam] Wanna play? Teach you to throw.
Pam Beesly: I know how to throw a football.
Toby Flenderson: Course you do.
Andy Bernard: Yeah! Pam, hit me up! Go long!
[Pam throws the football directly into Meredith's face!]

Bartender: Here you go.
Dwight Schrute: Wait a minute what is this? I didn't order this.
Bartender: For you. [points to basketball players] From them.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. [pours out the drink]
Ryan's friend: What are you doing man?
Dwight Schrute: Not safe. Anything could've been in there. [to the girls] Nice try!

Michael Scott: I've never done anybody that does that. You wash dogs. Very cool.
Woman: That's one aspect of small pet grooming. What do you do?
Michael Scott: I am a bank teller.
[cut to talking head]
Michael Scott: Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance.

Michael Scott: She washes dogs.
Ryan Howard: You're doin' it man.
Michael Scott: I know! I don't wanna get ahead of myself but... I think I want her to meet my mom.

Ryan Howard: Hey man, you ever think there's going to be this massive nuclear holocaust and after all the major nations are destroyed it'll just be the tribes in the jungles that rise up and survive. That jungle warfare is going to rule the world?
Michael Scott: Yeah maybe.
Ryan Howard: It's inevitable right?

Jim Halpert: Hank. Is that you?
Security guard: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Still haven't left the house yet, huh?
Security guard: I'm gettin' ready to leave.
Jim Halpert: Good. Please hurry.
Security guard: Stop callin' me so I can put on my damn socks.
Jim Halpert: Will do. [hangs up] I'll stop calling.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] I am. I am getting out there. Well, no, I've asked a lot of girls to dance, Mom, they're just- it's not- listen to me for a second. Yes I shaved the back of my neck. Oh my God, Mom I've gotta go one of my friends is getting beat up by some girls!

Pam Beesly: Actually, it's kind of too bad we're not coming into work tomorrow.
Oscar: Why?
Pam Beesly: I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned like scrambled eggs Saturday.
Toby Flenderson: More like everyone get your boss laid Saturday.
[Toby rubs Pam's knee and an awkward begins]

Toby Flenderson: I have an announcement, uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now, and I'm finally gonna do it. So... I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home now. [runs out through door]

Ryan's friend: Ok, I gotta go. Do not take him to a hospital!
Michael Scott: [pause] Pretty weird...

Dwight Schrute: I'm not gonna call her.

[car pulls up]
Jim Halpert: Cleaning people. Oscar! [walking to the gate] Ok, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened because I think they can help us.
Oscar: Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
Jim Halpert: I d-- if they speak Spanish.
Oscar: Good evening. We locked ourselves in. [long pause before Oscar explains in Spanish] [turning to Jim] They happen to speak Spanish.
Jim Halpert: Lucky us.

Dwight Schrute: Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me when we were sick? [starts singing in German]
Michael Scott: Ok, Dwight. Shhh. Dwigh, shh. Leave him alone.
Dwight Schrute: It's a lullaby.

Michael Scott: Ryan? Ryan, we're gonna take your clothes off.
Ryan Howard: No! [sits up] Guys. I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight Schrute: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael Scott: Shh. Just-- stop. Here's what you do. You tell him, that you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be alright. [pause] And then you put a wire on him, and you find out who's selling him, drugs, and then, you get that and you flip him. Turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy, to people really, really bad.
[Ryan lies back down]
Michael Scott: [to camera] Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.

Michael Scott: Like I said it's not about the horniness it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, boys on the side. But I don't. I disagree. I say, let's hear it for the boys.

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