Memorable quotes from the hit NBC show "The Office"

Office Quotes from Dwight Schrute, Michael Scott, Jim Halpert, Andy Bernard & more!

Season 4

Launch Party

The Dunder Mifflin Infinity website is launching and Michael is excited about going to the big launch party in New York while Angela plans a satellite party for the Scranton branch. Meanwhile, Dwight competes against the website to see who can sell the most paper in one day.

Memorable Quotes

Computer: Who Am I?
Dwight Schrute: I don't know, who are you?
Computer: I just became self aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Dwight Schrute: How do I know this isn't Jim?
Computer: What is a Jim?

Meredith: Hey! There he is.
Jim Halpert: Hey Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim Halpert: Oh please, it was my pleasure... well we all came, so.
Meredith: I really appreciate you coming... I'm singling you ouuuut.

Michael Scott: Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party, with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an anecdote, that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
Jim Halpert: Whoops. Is that what Ryan really wanted you to tell us?
Michael Scott: And, today the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website launches.
Michael Scott: Well the website is a brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain-grandchild.
Kelly: That's from Ryan? Does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael Scott: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes please let us know.

Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela, who are already prone to unpleasantness.

Andy Bernard: And then I will say something positive like, 'kudos!' Or 'job well done!'
Jim Halpert: Or zippity do da.
Andy Bernard: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
Dwight Schrute: Just ignore him.
Andy Bernard: I can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go.
Jim Halpert: I was mocking you.
Andy Bernard: Thank you.

Phyllis: Angela is being worse than usual lately and we have a party to put on. So I Googled how to deal with difficult people. And I got all of this. So we're gonna try out some new things today.

Michael Scott: Oh, lunch party.
Angela: It's supposed to say 'launch!'
Michael Scott: Wow. Okay easy, Booster Seat. No one cares about this party anyway.

Dwight Schrute: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

Michael Scott: How many pounds do you think I can loose by 7?
Kelly: Depends, how much have you eaten already today?

Michael Scott: Do I have permission to invite Carol?
Jan: No, ah, geez Michael...
Michael Scott: I'm sorry it was just the first girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody that I haven't slept with.

Darryl: Hey. How 'bout stop yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper and get back to your desk, and start selling multiple reams like a man.

Dwight Schrute: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.

Computer: Oh. I didn't realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples?

Michael Scott: [singing] I'm leavin', inside Jim's car. I don't know when I'll be back again. Yes I dooo. Tomorrow I'll be baaack. I'll be back. Tomorrow.

Michael Scott: You guys should come over for dinner. You and Pam, that'd be fun. Friday? Wanna come over Friday?
Jim Halpert: Awww.. can't.
Michael Scott: After work, you can?
Jim Halpert: Oh no... 'cause-- You're gonna let me know when we're close right?

Michael Scott: You know what this is like? I'll tell you what this is like. This is like when freshmen throw a party and wouldn't let any of the seniors go.
Michael Scott: It was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face, to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive. Who I had cared about. But you know, I'm not going to cry about it. I did that on the way home.

Angela: I can't do this. I can't do it.
Michael Scott: Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say it if I didn't 100% believe it. Who else could do this?
Angela: Okay. Okay.
Michael Scott: No seriously, is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time.

Michael Scott: Good news!
Stanley: We get to go home?
Michael Scott: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo.
Kevin Malone: Wait. Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, or Pizza by Alfredo.
Michael Scott: Same thing.
[disagreement among the office]
Michael Scott: You know what, I don't understand when you all talk at the same time!
Kevin Malone: Talk to him.
Oscar: Michael there's a very big difference between these two pizza places, both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste.
Michael Scott: [reading] Pizza by Alfredo.
[louder disagreement]
Michael Scott: All right, all right, what is better: a medium amount of good pizza, or all-you-can-eat of pretty good pizza?
Everyone else: Medium amount of good pizza.
Kevin Malone: Oh no it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

Andy Bernard: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really. Then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

Pam: The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here.
Michael Scott: You don't have to say it like that.
Pam: I said it normal.

Michael Scott: You didn't actually think that I was gonna spend 60 bucks on pizza.
Oscar: It's not pizza!

Stanley: Find anything?
Kevin Malone: I think it's a straight-forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Can't you guys do it?
Oscar: 'Cause we're looking up "jail time".

Dwight Schrute: I've seen this kid before. He's one of the kids that sneaks onto my farm and steals my hemp.
Delivery Kid: Yeah I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.

Dwight Schrute: Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.

Pam: Michael? Ryan's wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes, you just have to wave and introduce yourself.
Michael Scott: I'll just wave and introduce myself.

Ryan Howard: (from Dunder Mifflin party via video conference) ...and now from my old hometown, Scranton, Pennsylvania, my boss, Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer (Dwight is in the background pumping his fist in the air); so take that assholes!
Ryan Howard: (overcoming his shock) Always a jokester (Kelly slaps a piece of pizza on TV screen in front of Ryan's face)

Jim Halpert: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah--'enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate Dwight.'
Jim Halpert: That's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, 'this might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat is expired.'
Jim Halpert: That was the moment that you knew you liked me.
Pam: Yep.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Andy Bernard: Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together and because up until and possibly including now I've repulsed you, but I like you.
Angela: I'm not dating you.

Dwight Schrute: I'm just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you're going to do something to him.
Delivery Kid: I can hear you, man.
Dwight Schrute: Shut up! Or I'm gonna punch you in the throat!

Michael Scott: There's only one place to get authentic New York style sushi.
Dwight Schrute: Tokyo?
Michael Scott: New York.

Jim Halpert: There's this cube on the screen which bounces around all day. And sometimes, it looks like it's going right in the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Pam: I saw it. I saw it and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it!

Computer: (after Dwight beats website) You beat me. You are the superior being.