Memorable quotes from the hit NBC show "The Office"

Office Quotes from Dwight Schrute, Michael Scott, Jim Halpert, Andy Bernard & more!

Season 4

Fun Run

A freak accident causes Michael to feel the office is cursed. He explores the religious beliefs of his employees before deciding to hold a charity 5K fun run. Meanwhile, further developments in the romances of Pam and Jim, and Dwight and Angela are explored.

Memorable Quotes

Michael Scott: This is going to be a very good year. Very Good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé Ryan is at Corporate. Good stuff. Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed. [hits Meredith with car]

Jim Halpert: I broke up with Karen after the job interview. And, uh, it was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up doesn't mean that she was going anywhere, cause she had worked really hard for her career. The next day her desk was empty. And as for me and my current romantic life. I, uh, am single now and looking. So, if you know anybody...

Pam: Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his breakup. It's really nice to be good friends again.

Kevin Malone: Are you kidding me?! Pam and Jim and totally hooking up. All they do is smile. They are just keeping it a secret. [to Oscar] Right?
Oscar: I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. Could be other things.
Kevin Malone: Are you kidding me?!

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car. It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her.. life.. they did the best that they could.... and she is going to be OK.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
Oscar: So she's really going to be fine?
Michael Scott: Yes, she has a slight pelvical fracture, but people have survived far worse.
Pam: Thank God you were there.
Michael Scott: I know.
Andy Bernard: Did you see who did it?
Dwight Schrute: No need. We can just check the security tapes.
Michael Scott: Kind of good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim Halpert: Who was driving?
[Michael pauses and is speechless]
Pam: Oh Michael.

Jim Halpert: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then?

Dwight Schrute: It's only Meredith.
Michael Scott: Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
Dwight Schrute: Hey... why did you do it?
Michael Scott: It was an accident.
Dwight Schrute: Was she talking back?
Michael Scott: No
Dwight Schrute: You got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh, is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?

Michael Scott: So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish?

Michael Scott: My lord my liege.
Ryan Howard: Yes Michael.
Michael Scott: So I need a little treat for the gang, something to win their affections back.
Ryan Howard: Back? Why is that Michael?
Michael Scott: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan Howard: Ohhhh, did you do this on purpose?
Michael Scott: No, I was being negligent, but she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, but she will be up in...
Ryan Howard: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property with company property. So, double jeopardy. We are fine.
Ryan Howard: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "we're fine"?
Ryan Howard: Hehhhhh.

Michael Scott: I love my employees. Even though I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off this unavoidable tragedy and on to more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.

Michael Scott: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know... I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, don't sue me... that's the opposite of the point I'm trying to make.

[seeing Meredith in the hospital room]
Michael Scott: She looks like an angel.
Kelly: She looks awful.
Michael Scott: No, ok, she always looks like that. It's not my fault.
Jim Halpert: I think she's awake.
Michael Scott: No, she's in a coma.
Nurse: No

Phyllis: Does it hurt terribly?
Meredith: No it's not too bad, they have me on a lot of painkillers.
Creed: Oh really. What kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percoset, Etanol, Oxicotin, Palidone.
Meredith: I have no idea.

Michael Scott: You know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness. Forgiveness is next to Godliness.

Michael Scott: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.

Michael Scott: Why I'm taking responsibility, and it is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but I am a little sitious.

Angela: [crying] Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God, in your infinite wisdom how can you do this? She wasn't ready, she had so much left to accomplish.
Dwight Schrute: Tis only a cat.
Angela: You never... you don't like them.
Dwight Schrute: Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.

Creed: I've been involved in a number of cults. Both as a leader and a follower. I had more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader.

Dwight Schrute: As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of it's misery. With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what's unethical.

Michael Scott: You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense. God is dead.
Kelly: If there was a God than Ryan and I would be married by now.
Michael Scott: Maybe believing in God was a mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun. Maybe there's some sort of animal that we can make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo. Or some sort of monster... something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion, or something with the body of an egret. With the head of a meer cat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer. With a body of.... a porcupine.
Jim Halpert: I'll go do some research.
Pam: I'll help you with that.

Michael Scott: Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

Pam: [answers phone] Michael Scott's Under-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race for the Cure this is Pam:
Michael Scott: [whispering to Pam] Pro-Am.
Pam: Pro-Am race for the.... they hung up.

Michael Scott: A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she has rabies. But that is where we are in America, and that does not sit right with me. And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness for the fact that there is a cure rabies... a disease that has been largely eradicated in the U.S., but not very many people know that.

Andy Bernard: [taping his nipples] I'm petrified of nipple chaffing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle... you have sensitive nipples, they chaff, so they become more sensitive, so they chaff more. So I take precautions.

Pam: They say if you are nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.

Michael Scott: Myth - three Americans die every year from rabies. Fact - four Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone that has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer.

Stanley: Oh yes I will work out today. I work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.

Michael Scott: [out of breath] I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies. Rabies has been around for a thousand years. And I was a fool to think that I could beat it.

Michael Scott: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I ate more fettuccini alfredo, and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts, my heart and well I eventually puked my guts out. I never puked my heart out, and I am very proud of that.