Season 3

Product Recall

Dunder-Mifflin is thrown into damage control when paper is released with an obscene watermark. Michael addresses the media while Jim and Andy try to calm a school principal who used the affected paper to send out invitations to the prom.

Memorable Quotes

Jim Halpert: [dressed as Dwight Schrute] Question: What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim Halpert: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not...what is going on? What are you doing? Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
(Jim pulls a bobblehead on his desk)
Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Thousands of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: Michael!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

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Michael Scott: We have a crisis. Apparently a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24-pound cream letter stock. 500 boxes have gone out with the image of a beloved cartoon duck performing unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.

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Creed: Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.

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Michael Scott: We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level - Midnight.

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Andy Bernard: William Doolittle at your service. AKA Will Do.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I'm definitely going to go alone.
Michael Scott: No, no, I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. No time!

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Michael Scott: Here’s the thing, when a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for the them to find out, and the story controls you. That’s what happened to O.J.

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Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive...like I did when I was a homeless man.

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Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So gives yourselves a round of applause.
Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.

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Dwight Schrute: Here are your credentials. You’ve been granted Level 3 security clearance. Don’t get too excited…that’s out of 20.

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Dwight Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever did this watermark got it exactly right.

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Andy Bernard: [finds out that his girlfriend is a high school student] I had no idea.
Jim Halpert: Well, that's not going to hold up in court.
Andy Bernard: We didn't do anything illegal...except knock over a mailbox with her friends.

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Michael Scott: Mrs. Allen is our most important client. Because every client is our most important client. Even though she’s a pretty unimportant client really.

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Andy Bernard: Who was that guy she was talking to at her locker?
Jim Halpert: Not important. Because you’re not dating her. Because it’s a felony.

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Andy Bernard: [to the high school principal] One of your students is a bitch.
Jim Halpert: Andy is having a real rough day today.
Andy Bernard: I want to take out an ad in your yearbook. Full page, two words.
Jim Halpert: Good luck.
Andy Bernard: That's not what I had in mind.

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Mrs. Allen: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau!
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline!

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Dwight Schrute: [dressed as Jim] Pam.
Pam: Hey Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
Karen: Hey Dwight. Lookin' sharp!
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse 'cause you’re my girlfriend?
Jim Halpert: [to Karen] Do you?
Karen: No.
Jim Halpert: Okay.