Season 2

The Secret

Jim (John Krasinski) is worried Michael (Golden Globe nominee Steve Carell) is going to tell others that he likes Pam (Jenna Fischer) so he has to unfortunately go along with being his best friend, which includes a lunch trip to Hooters. Rainn Wilson and B.J. Novak also star.

Memorable Quotes

Michael Scott: What? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me.
Jim Halpert: Umm, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael Scott: What's up dog?
Jim Halpert: Nothin' much, what's up with you?
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! I walked right in to that one. Ahhh, that's brilliant.

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Michael Scott: Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like updog?
Dwight Schrute: What's up dog?
Michael Scott: Gotcha! Hahaha, oh god... crap. Nothin', how you doing?
Dwight Schrute: Good, how are you doing?

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Michael Scott: Today is Spring cleaning day here at Dundler Mifflin, and yes I know it's January, I'm not an idiot, but if you do your Spring cleaning in January guess what you don't have to do in the Spring... anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind, well I say an empty desk means an...
Dwight Schrute: Empty mind.
Michael Scott: Well, no... that's not what I was going to say.

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Dwight Schrute: Merideth, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes, they are worn down.
Kevin, file drawers... Angela kitchen, Oscar dusting. Where's Oscar?
Angela: He's out sick.
Dwight Schrute: That's unacceptable.
Angela: I agree, it's unacceptable.
(Dwight and Angela stare at each other)
Kevin: What are you guys doing?

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Dwight Schrute: Question: May I investigate?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Drop what you are doing. Make this a priority. Because and office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs.

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Michael Scott: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton... mostly at work, but the fact that he told me his secret and no one else says everything about our friendship. And that is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.

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Dwight Schrute: Listen temp. I'm conducting a little investigation. So I am no longer going to be able to head up Spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
Ryan Howard: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
Dwight Schrute: Do you think, or do you know?
Ryan Howard: I think.
Dwight Schrute: Oh God, here.

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Michael Scott: So what's the 4-1-1? Any updates on the P situation?
Jim Halpert: I don't know what you mean.
Michael Scott: P-A-M, P-A
Jim Halpert: Uh.. ok
Michael Scott: No it's Ok we're talking code.
Stanley: What is?
Michael Scott: Listen! Stanley ya know how long does it take you to pick out a soda?
Jim Halpert: I'm gonna take off actually.
Michael Scott: Alright, well, cool.
Still deciding? (pushes button on soda machine) Peach Iced Tea... you're gonna hate it.

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Dwight Schrute: There are several ways to tell if a perp is lying...
The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.

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Michael Scott: It's graaaaaaaaaaapppppe, soda!
Jim Halpert: Tony the Tiger.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: You don't hear that much anymore.
Michael Scott: Not so much.
Dwight Schrute: What is going on here?
Michael Scott: Nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, really, nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim.
Michael Scott: Fact: I love grape soda, I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, so what is the secret Michael?
Michael Scott: Well I ah...
Jim Halpert: Umm, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material. (sticks pink post-it note on Dwight)
Dwight to Michael Scott: Is that true?
Michael Scott: Umm, I - I don't know... yeah, yeah... it is.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you Michael. I know you're telling the truth.
Michael Scott: Ok
Dwight Schrute: I can tell, I won't let you down.

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Michael Scott: Why do I like Hooters? Well I... will give you two reasons... the boobs and the hot wings?

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Ryan Howard: If I had to I could clean out my desk in five minutes... and nobody would ever know I'd ever been here. And I'd forget to. Sighs.

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Dwight Schrute: As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually... so. Mystery solved.

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Dwight Schrute: Oh man! You are so busted! Ice skates... shopping bags... I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all!