Season 2

Performance Review

On performance review day, the employees of Dunder Mifflin meet with Michael (Steve Carell) to discuss their work performances - but the only thing on Michael's mind is his own impending review from his own boss Jan later that day. Meanwhile, dim Dwight (Rainn Wilson) thinks that Thursday is Friday and the rest of the gang works hard to keep him under that mistaken impression while Michael raids the employee suggestion box in search of new ideas for his showdown with Jan. Jenna Fischer, John Krasinski and B.J. Novak also star.

Memorable Quotes

Dwight Schrute: [sitting on a giant rubber ball] You should get one of these.
Jim Halpert: No, thank you.
Dwight Schrute: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb, and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim Halpert: Done.
Dwight Schrute: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [bumps picture on Jim's desk] Sorry.
Jim Halpert: It's all right.
Dwight Schrute: Numerous health benefits: strengthens your back, better performance at sports, more enjoyable sex.
Jim Halpert: You're not having sex.
Dwight Schrute: [smirks] Plus, improves your reflexes. [knocks over knick-knack on Jim's desk] See, I would have caught that.
Jim Halpert: Okay, you know what, how much is that?
Dwight Schrute: It's only 25 bucks.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Um, okay. [pops orb with a pair of scissors, causing Dwight to crash to the ground]

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Pam: Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were and it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds.

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Michael Scott: Pam, you're trustworthy.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael Scott: And a woman.
Pam: Oh no.

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Michael Scott: But then she goes on to say "That will be our only topic of discussion." That doesn't mean anything. Those are just words...
Pam: I have one idea of what it means.
Michael Scott: OK, yeah, what, what?
Pam: Well, I don't think you're going to be very happy with this.
Michael Scott: Oh, great. Alright, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review.
Pam: (quickly) Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional but she's fighting feelings for you.
Michael Scott: [sighs] Why-- that's great news. That-- that-- Why would-- why would I not like that?
Pam: Um, just 'cause that you work together and it might be awkward.

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Dwight Schrute: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim Halpert: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight Schrute: Oh yes we do.
Jim Halpert: No we don't.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, it's a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. [smirks at camera]
Jim Halpert: All right. [pause] Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim Halpert: Then I win.

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Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael Scott: Really?
Stanley: Oh yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael Scott: God. Stanley, that's frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry...
Stanley: Oh, it's OK. I did learn it on the streets. In the ghetto in fact.
Michael Scott: No kidding?
Stanley: [separate scene] This year it's all about my bonus.

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Michael Scott: Attention please. Jan Levinson's coming very soon and so we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting. So you can get in your constructive compliments ASAP.
Ryan Howard: Don't you mean "constructive criticism?"
Michael Scott: What did I say?
Kelly: You said "constructive compliments." That doesn't make any sense.
Michael Scott: Well Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. K?

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Michael Scott: I'm a little confused, because at first its like, all "Kissy Kissy." And then its like, all regret because "Oh, I regret that. But, wait. I'm still gonna call you. But-- but! We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were we talking about when we first kissed? Business.

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Jan: So are you still in the middle of the Performance Reviews then?
Michael Scott: Oh, no no. I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like "Wam bam, thank you ma'am." But I do say "Thank you ma'am." Not like "Wam bam." Not that there's anything wrong with "Wam bam..." If it's consensual.

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Michael Scott: Hold on. [to Pam on speakerphone] Yes Pam?
Pam: Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting.
Michael Scott: I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt.
Pam: You told me to buzz you about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here.
Michael Scott: I did not-- not-- not use those words.
Jan: I'd like to sit in on that meeting. [to Pam] Is it happening right now?
Michael Scott: No, it's in like, ten minutes.
Pam: Everyone's waiting in the conference room.
Jan: Great. Very good.