Season 2

Conflict Resolution

Michael takes it upon himself to facilitate conflict resolution by reading all of the complaints aloud to the office, which causes more office tension.

Memorable Office Quotes

Michael Scott: Okay, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct "old man smell?"
Creed: [voiceover] I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

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Michael Scott: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?

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Michael Scott: Creed... Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: [sarcastically] Nice.

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Michael Scott: Alright, Kevin... you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that make him feel uncomfortable.
Kevin Malone: [quickly] I accept your decision. Cameraman: Smile.
Dwight Schrute: No.

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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go.
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And, my middle name is "Kurt", not "Fart."
Jim Halpert: [squinting to read] What did I write?

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Dwight Schrute: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

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[Michael reads off complaints filed by Dwight]
Michael Scott: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert."
Michael Scott: Everyone has called me "Dwayne" all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.
Jim Halpert: [to camera, laughs] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.
Michael Scott: This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.
Michael Scott: Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.
Michael Scott: This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put- uh, more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then I just took them all out.
Michael Scott: Every time I typed my name, it said "Diapers".
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
Michael Scott: By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom, and that's how I spent the entire day that day.