Season 2

Conflict Resolution

Michael takes it upon himself to facilitate conflict resolution by reading all of the complaints aloud to the office, which causes more office tension.

Memorable Quotes

Michael Scott: Okay, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct "old man smell?"
Creed: [voiceover] I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

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Michael Scott: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?

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Michael Scott: Creed... Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: [sarcastically] Nice.

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Michael Scott: Alright, Kevin... you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that make him feel uncomfortable.
Kevin Malone: [quickly] I accept your decision. Cameraman: Smile.
Dwight Schrute: No.

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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go.
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And, my middle name is "Kurt", not "Fart."
Jim Halpert: [squinting to read] What did I write?

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Dwight Schrute: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

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[Michael reads off complaints filed by Dwight]
Michael Scott: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert."
Michael Scott: Everyone has called me "Dwayne" all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.
Jim Halpert: [to camera, laughs] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.
Michael Scott: This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.
Michael Scott: Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.
Michael Scott: This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put- uh, more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then I just took them all out.
Michael Scott: Every time I typed my name, it said "Diapers".
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
Michael Scott: By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom, and that's how I spent the entire day that day.