Season 1

Health Care

When Corporate wants Michael (Steve Carell) to pick a cheaper health plan for his employees, rather than lose popularity points with his staff, he shirks the responsibility and Dwight (Rainn Wilson) happily accepts the task. Delighted with his new position of power, Dwight takes over the conference room as his new "office" and manages to offend everyone by asking staff members to divulge their private medical history. Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer) jokingly create fake illnesses only to infuriate Dwight. B.J. Novak also stars.

Memorable Quotes

Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin Malone: That's a real thing.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin Malone: [quietly] Someone has it.

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Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

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Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis....Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

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Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

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Dwight Schrute: OK, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael Scott: Uh, none. You're picking a healthcare plan.

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Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

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Michael Scott: The most sacred thing I do is care. And provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right, that’s what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um… yes. In a way. Yeah, like a specialist.