Kevin Malone Quotes

Kevin Malone: [to Angela who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin Malone: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin Malone: I think you do, mon.

Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin Malone: That's a real thing.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin Malone: [quietly] Someone has it.

Kevin Malone: I'm gonna have to delete a lot of stuff. [pause] A LOT of STUFF.

Kevin Malone: Abby's my fiancée Stacey's daughter. I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look in my computer...actually, I better go check. (runs off)

Michael Scott: You know what the best medicine is?
Kevin Malone: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael Scott: And laughter.

Michael Scott: Alright, Kevin... you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that make him feel uncomfortable.
Kevin Malone: [quickly] I accept your decision. Cameraman: Smile.
Dwight Schrute: No.